The Funk

The other issue that is causing us consternation in our transition is Viktor’s internal drive for perfectionism. Unfortunately, he resembles me in that aspect. So I get some of it. Viktor can go from 50 miles per hour to dead stop in 2 seconds flat when it comes to intellectual capacity. We call this phenomenon his ‘funk’. For example, if he misses a few words or can’t remember his multiplication one time, he can just plain spiral downward to a ball of nothing. We work very hard with him to try to set his expectations realistically but he is SO hard on himself. I’m not sure if he thought that once he got off the plane his flawless English would magically appear, if he thought it would come much quicker, if it’s harder than he expected, if he makes a mistake we’ll send him back or what the situation is. He is constantly measuring himself against his English speaking peers and brother. He told me the other night with a big sad face that he is so jealous of Alex since he knows English and school comes easy as a result (he doesn’t seem to recognize the hours of homework Alex puts in). He said he used to be smart in Ukraine and here he is dumb. It breaks my heart to see him struggle so. And to recognize that everything I have tried is not helping him.


We are constantly trying to reassure him that he is so much farther than we thought he would be at this point. We started off reading Dr. Seuss. We are now reading Magic Tree House books in 90 minutes (3 days of 30 minutes each). He went from kindergarten reading level to 4th grade in 6 months! He is writing sentences on his own with pretty good structure and darn good spelling! He makes mistakes but my gosh!, for being home only 7 months he is doing nothing short of phenomenal!! Yes, I know that was terrible sentence structure and grammar but too bad…you get my point. I guess I'm still wating for my flawless English to magically appear as well.

We had conferences this week and I met with several of his teachers. One of his teachers who spends a month every year with a relative in a European country told me he is nothing short of brilliant intellectually because he has progressed so far in 7 months. His math teacher stated that he knows what to do but it might take longer for him. But if he misses one basic thing, the ‘funk starts’ and he is pretty much done for that class hour. Another one said he is very bright and catches on to concepts very easily. This teacher however also talked about his ‘funk’. I gave both of them some of the remedies we use to get him out of his ‘funk’ and told them that if they found the magical answer, they needed to call me immediately.

We are very blessed with a great school district, a very attentive English as a Second Language (ESL) teacher and for the most part a caring group of teachers. Viktor was in a newcomer’s program basically April, May and a few days in June last spring. His ESL teacher assessed that he would be capable of mainstreaming with strong ESL support when school started this fall. She wanted Viktor to attend 2 summer school sessions as prep; which he did. She indicated he had the strongest academic background she had seen in a few years (Thank You Mariupol!) and she wanted to give it a shot. I was very hesitant but she encouraged us to attempt it with the agreement that we would pull back to the newcomer’s program if we needed to. She is in all of his classes every other day and helps him in the classroom. She will read him his tests and will sometimes write his answers for him as he recites them to her. Some teachers will give him an oral test. Some teachers give him extra time or reduced assignments. Some teachers print out notes for him so he can follow it rather than try to write down what iss on the board. We also have a formal program with documentation that is signed off between the school and Robert and I. Every school is required to provide such a plan. It’s the law. We have found it very beneficial.

The ESL teacher and I are getting to be fast friends. It is not uncommon that we talk 3-4 days a week. Sometimes it’s about an assignment, confusion regarding football game/practice, missing the bus, needing help from a teacher, more time on an assignment, my apology that Viktor/Robert didn’t take Viktor’s backpack up north for the weekend so NO homework got done in a 5 day break, etc. Sometimes it’s a warning call. Those usually happen about 7:20 a.m. just after I have dropped Viktor off at school and go something like this: “Hi Kari, it’s Janis. Viktor had a bad ‘evening/morning (pick one or both)’. He ‘fill in the blank’ ‘today/last night (pick one or both)’ and is in a ‘little bit of a/huge (pick one)’ funk today. Good luck and have a great day!” Hang up. Drive faster away from the school.  You know – the swoop and poop! And sometimes I get the same message describing a meltdown/funk that occurred during the day. It is rather funny though. When I get the funk in the morning, he rarely has a bad day at school. And when the teachers see the funk in school, I rarely see it at home.

Overall, he is doing very well in school and we are very proud of him. The kids all seem to adore him and he has many friends.  More on that in another blog.  All classes are an A except one. And we’re working on accepting that they don’t all have to be A’s! In the grand scheme of life, does it really matter? He is still in America with a family who loves him, accepts him with all his beautiful imperfections and will never, ever, ever send him back. And wasn’t that the goal?