One year exactly

One year ago today, Viktor set foot on American soil with a new name, a new family, a new language, a new culture and a new home.  A new everything in fact!

I am simply amazed at the change 12 months has brought about.  I seem to be addicted to the blogs of families just like mine, adjusting.  And families that are just starting the process.  I find them inspirational and very helpful.  Unfortunately, some of those blogs are about families that have had major surprises; RAD, PTSD, kids who really didn't want to be adopted or parented, kids who don't know how to love or be loved, kids who were hurt so badly that they may never recover, massive behavioral issues, etc.  And I thank God every day for the blessing he brought into our lives.

Trust me, it hasn't all been a bed of roses but I have to be perfectly honest in saying that for us, it has been easier than I expected. Again, I thank God for not giving me more than I can handle.  Alex may have a different opinion on this "blessing" but in reality, the relationship between the boys has changed a lot over the last year.  They both came into this with a dream or an idea of how this was going to be.  And they both found out they were wrong.  Viktor anticipated his brother would be a playmate that he would be able to play with 24x7.  Just like the orphanage.  He figured out pretty quickly he has a 16 year old introverted bookworm for a brother, a kid who in reality never really did play.  And Alex thought he was getting another one exactly like he is!  Well, maybe a little more extroverted since we hosted Viktor and knew his personality a bit.  Both boys have had to let their dream die.  They both got it wrong.  And they're figuring out now how to make what they have "theirs".  I am constantly amazed at the maturity of our Alex, when he is having trouble we sit down and talk.  We talk about what life was like for Viktor and then why he might do some of the things he does and what he needs from us.  Alex thinks through this and makes adjustments.  And when he's tired of making adjustments, he escapes to grandma's for the night!  We continue to work with Viktor on the behaviors that "annoy" Alex but for the most part, it's that they are two different personalities and that Alex is used to the Burger King philosophy - "have it your way" - his way.  Viktor continues to teach me to love someone for exactly who they are.  To embrace the imperfections.  I truly admire my friend Kelly in her ability to love the heck out of her brood, she is an amazing mother.  Because of this, I have been much easier on Alex the last year, I'm not sure he recognizes that yet but I know I have let a lot of little things slide that normally I would have harped on...

Educationally, Viktor has exceeded our expectations with his language.  He mastered English SO fast and uses words that I can't believe he knows.  Trust me, I ask and he knows the meaning!  His English reading is about 4th grade level.  He still has trouble with long sentences with multiple concepts so reading Hardy Boys or that type of a book is still out of the question.  But he'll get there.  He likes it if I read those books to him, he seems to be able to comprehend better if he listens rather than reads.  His math is coming along but is still SO far behind.  He has almost mastered multiplication now and seems to have caught on to division pretty quickly, at least simple division tables anyway.  He gets that it's the reverse of multiplication.  He has a LONG way to go in math.  It still seems to be the hardest subject for him.  He continues to go to Sylvan 2 days a week, 2 hours each time.  I'm going broke but it really is helping him.  We're looking at a tutor to do some homeschooling this summer.  Trying to get him up to grade level.  And I'm SO glad he has kept his Russian.  We're looking into a Russian immersion summer camp for him this year.  He's pretty excited to keep his language.

Friends remain a challenge.  Viktor is used to someone being there all the time.  Being that we live in the country, this "phone a friend and mom will go pick them up" thing is really not something he likes or has become accustomed to.  He really, really misses his friends.  We're still working on that.  I'm trying to convince Robert to move into town.  Robert doesn't want to mow a big yard or deal with the swimming pool anymore so I think it's a win-win.  Viktor can have kids in the neighborhood and we get "easy". Comparatively anyway.  But we have made no decisions at this point.

Viktor still trys (usually successfully!) to sabotage major events.  But it is getting better.  At first it was before the event, then right as people were arriving (URGH!), then part way through, and now it's after the event is over.  On the way home he becomes a bear.  He knows something "happens" inside but can't figure out why or what.  The last 2 times he has cried when we get home and I love on him.  He says "I don't know why I get this way mum!".  I don't either...Robert and Alex get VERY frustrated and angry that we just had an amazing family dinner, party, holiday, etc. and he ruins it every time.  I try my hardest NOT to get angry.  I don't understand what happens inside any more than he does...I need to do some research into this.  It sounds like some RAD behavior.  But it also has some signs of PTSD.  The good news is that it is getting SO much better than when he first arrived.  And now he can verbalize that something is "up".  Unfortunately, it's reactive rather than proactive. In reality, this is the only thing we're really working on at this point.  Yes, the little things like chew with your mouth closed, put your laundry away, too much iPod, etc. but those are MINOR in the grand scheme of things...treat them appropriately and we've found they're not issues.  And to some degree, he is 13!  Age appropriate behavior people!!  We try very hard to put it all in perspective. What really matters in the grand scheme of life? 

We're blessed that Viktor spent time in a Christian Children's Home prior to the orphanage where we found him.  He knows God.  He does not steal.  He does not lie.  He knows right from wrong.  He recognizes the kids at school who are good and those who are trouble and he stays away from the trouble group.  We had him enrolled in Catechism but our church seems to have lost control of these kids on Wednesday nights so we're looking for another alternative.  He enjoys Sunday service and if we even think about letting a week "slide", he's right there making sure we go!  He lives a Christian life, that's what I want for my children.

One year ago:

February 2011:

Foundationally, I'm SO happy with where we're at with Viktor. And bottom line, I am SO blessed. I have the greatest family in the world. I have great parents and in laws who have been SO supportive and love both of my boys so much. Even through rough times, I have a great husband who loves me, warts and all. I have a great job that lets me do the things I need to do to care for my family yet provides me the opportunity to see the world (which I love!) pretty much on my terms. We are all healthy, financially secure, and have more in this life than we deserve. And I thank the Lord every day for what he has given me, I strive to be worthy.